hate this feeling

For the past few days, I cldnt sleep well.
Everytime when night falls, I felt restless.
I got panic. I got anxiety. I couldnt wait for
day to come. I dont like when night falls.
On top of that, I felt restless.
I had broken sleep and due to that,
i felt tired in the day.
I sleep better sitting down on the bed but
the moment I lied down, my heart beats very fast.
I started to perspired. I wanted to cry out loud.
I want to run out to the streets. I felt confined in the room.
Like I am stuck in a small space.
Ya Allah, why i felt this way?
Are these symptoms of depression or some kind of
illness?
Or is it just because of my pregnancy.
Oh, sometimes I felt the urge to get the baby out
fast. Then, when it happened, I will starts to
feel anxious.
Then I cldnt breath.
Then I wanted shout.
Why do I hv to go thru this?
Am I going to be crazy?
Ya ALLAH!
But today, I woke up feeling anxious.
called husband and told him to talk to me for awhile because
I am going to hv nervous breakdown.
He asked me to hv a shower and rest.
BUt I cant.
I called aisha and she is kind enough to talk to me for awhile
though she was abt to go to sleep after coming bk
frm night shift. THanks sha!!
SHe asked me to open the door and hv a deep breath and
stand outside at the balcony for awhile.
My girls are still sleeping and though I on the tv and radio
I still felt ALONE.
Like I am missing something.
chatting online and in person is different.
I think I need to find some activity.
Or starts to memorised some surahs that
I hv been putting on hold for quite sometimes
but promised myself that I will finished it
b4 end of this year. InsyaAllah.
I think I need some friends to talk to.
To go for high tea or just surrounded
by people.
But eventhough i hv my kids with me
and we were at the mall.
SOmetimes I do feel *anxiety*.
Is it loneliness?
But it cldnt be...
I hv my hubby and 3 beautiful children constantly
beside me.
Or is it just me?
I hope this episode will end soon or after I have
safely give birth in august.
And right now, as i typed this.
My heart still beats very fast.
I still felt like crying out loud.
& felt like taking the kids out frm the house
and just go anyway I want to.
But too bad, I dont hv the car today.
Bad timing.
Nevertheless, I hope I am strong enough
to go thru this.
And get over this soon.
InsyaAllah