dream broken

as expected and knowing her weaknessess, she got an unfavourable result on her assessment test to enrol to the school.
After telling about it, hubby blamed me for being lenient with her. she is only 5 yrs old girl. since, hubby is the strict one, i try to be the 'good' one so my children will not be pressure and if they are facing any problem in their life, they wont be afraid to atleast approach me. That is my plan. My way of bringing up the kids. i want them to talkto me like i am one of their friend. They can come to me anytime and i wwill b there for them. But, my way was misinterprate.
Back to her, I am getting worried about her studies. She may be slow but anot STUPID. She has a kind soul and very lovely girl. Today When i told her she might not get into the school, her face look worried and sad. suddenly, she talked so much and i think she is trying to hide her sadness. she was extra chirpy.
For her sake, for her future and for my love for her, i will be strict with her from now. i dont want my girl to have a crap job in future. i want her to be somebody. somebody that mummy can b proud of.

To 'lulu cathy' mummy will do my best to make you be someone that will make us proud. and i have faith in you eventough if nobody has.




to a better future in your studies, lulu cathy,

gone again..

have been wanting to blog about this but cldnt know what to write. not that i dont care, i am just lost of words.
exactly a month ago i suffered a miscarriaged. i was 3 months pregnant then. it happened when i was at the hospital waiting for my ultra sound when i felt some contraction. about 1hr i felt that my hand and feet felt cold and half an hour later i feel dizzy. when it was my turned, i went o the toilet to remove my panty and i got shocked because my pad was soaked in blood! As i was half squatting down, infelt a lump of blood clot just came off! By now, i am already freaking out and thirsty. Yah, i remembered i was extremely thirsty! hehe...
ao, i stayed for a night atthe hospital and did my evacuation.
and i appreciate my friends came to visit me. really feel overwhelmed by their presense. anyhoo, i felt sad that the baby that i was looking forward to is now gone.
but i am thankful that i still have my 4 angels w me and they meant a lot to me. i love you, haqeem, maya, faatin and adam!






may u rest in peace,

never meant to be...

Your words really hurt me. but i know you dont care about my feeling, u never have. throughout the years we had known each other I know you r never proud of me. you r ashamed of me. the thing that i had done for you, sacrificed for you is insignificant to you. You see through me coz in you eyes i am invisible. i am nothing to you. you told me stuffs that very personal but yet i took it like a pinch of salt. By right, i could be angry with you, but i never did. i always listen to what you have to say and bear it. although sometimes i do feel sad or angry but i never tell you.
you make me feel worthless and stupid. you call me or us ' animals' really waaaayy too much.
the truth hurts and i be truthful, i wished that things will be different!

Friend Forever

Haya & Hana

and adam entered frame n being cheeky!





happy mummy,

ramblings

I am so thankful to ALLAH for making this year so far a good year for us. AMIN.
First, I found out I was pregnant and was overjoyed after we decided to keep the baby but unfortunately, on 14th February 2012, I had miscarriage.  Was quite guilty because we were hesistant to keep it at first. Astaqfirullah
Then a trip to Paris/london on 23rd March, In shaa ALLAH... this will be our very advance 10th year wedding anniversary gift from hubby to me. Our initial plan was to australia to relive our honeymoon period 10 yrs ago when we spent 1 month travelled from brisbane to melbourne ..it was the best time of my life. But, that Paris/London trip is worth it as long as the kids will be happy when they see DISNEYLAND ..that will be the best gift for me..to see their happy faces..priceless!.

hubby and my two boys..adam and haqeem..love them so much

my girls, hana (top) and maya (bottom).....heart them so much....




I am so lucky & blessed!

i missed my mum n dad. mum has been suffering from shortness of breath for the past few days n i tear up hearing the news....
dad as usual is suffering silently, i wished im there like in 2010 when i saw how happy he was being w me n my children....

i pray that Allah will lessen their sufferings from their illness.











missing bothbof you alot,

never thought my dream will come true.....

i have never been so excited but we gonna surprise the kids to a trip to ...'toot'! another 22 days to go...everything booked, winter clothes bought except me! will going to start hunting for it n i hv 20 days atill......
In Shaa Allah everything will work out as we plan...



bonjour!