Breakdown

I went to bed at 1:30am after watching SO YOU CAN DANCE final episode.

I fell asleep the moment I lied down. But was awaken at 4:10am by a weird/scary images in my mind. I panic because I had shortness of breath, my head is spinning around and the right side is throbbing. My eyes is heavy coz I am sleepy but I cldnt go to sleep. Normally, I will just went out to the living room to take a breather n to calm myself and went back to sleep. Not today. I woke hubby up and started to cry n cry. I felt scared. I cldnt sleep. I cldnt breath. I just lied beside him and cry. Hubby told me not to panic or worry too much. He asked me to try to sleep. Then I kept on saying (crying) that he dont understand that I cldnt sleep. The moment I close my eyes, I feel that I'm dying.

He told me to solat. But I cant.

Then he woke up and accompanied me the whole night. He gave me a massage and asked me to relax. He sat there and just listen to my rambling and nonsense and crying. Thanks hub!

We talked. And then he ask me whether I want to go back singapore so that he can book the ticket today. I declined. I told him that it is not fully about my dad that i cldnt sleep. Its more than that. I told him I felt lonely. Exhausted. I cried my heart out abt everything and anything. I just let loose. I brokedown. He consoled me. He cuddled me. And I did fall asleep at 6am, but I woke up again at 6:30am when the alarm rang. I have to prepare haqeem's lunchbox.

At about 8am, I fell asleep.